In the Eye of the Beholder


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As we end the month of February, I was looking back at Valentine’s Day thinking about the different ways we show our feelings for our “Valentine”.

  • From flowers and candy to special meals
  • From stolen glances to poetry
  • From running 5Ks to icy dips in the water.

One event in New York featured literary speed dating at a bookstore.  To each his own…

What makes one thing attractive to one person, but completely different to others?
Some like blond hair with blue eyes, others dark hair with brown eyes.

Skinny as a rail or pleasantly plump? Tall, dark and handsome or sensitive and quiet?

We have mindsets in our lives about things like attraction. These mindsets are shaped by our upbringing, our heritage, and our culture.

Were you feeding cows or taking violin lessons after school? Were you playing baseball or lacrosse?

These influences as we grow help shape our preferences. Our minds becomes “set”.

mri brain scan

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There is brain chemistry involved.

  • Oxytocin may be involved with attraction and bonding.
  • Serotonin affects our moods and emotion.
  • Dopamine influences reward and pleasure.

But our experiences growing up have a major role in shaping our mindsets utilizing these chemicals in the brain.

Once our minds are set can we change them?

I would say yes. We have to look at the world from another perspective. Walk a mile in their shoes…so to speak. Then we have to ponder the other perspective. Is it worth changing my mindset?

If we hold to a biblical worldview, then there are a lot of “mindsets” that need to be adjusted. Many of our natural tendencies need to be regulated.

Our perspectives need to align with biblical principles.  Jesus brought a new way of thinking about Heaven and worship and earthly relationships. He spoke to religious people who held to one mindset, but needed to expand and change their mind.

Learn Relearn

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The bible says we are to be transformed by the renewing of our minds.
We must exercise our brains. Meditate on the new settings. Set your minds on things above… Dwell on the important things. Whatever is pure, lovely …

Changing a mindset is difficult. We must step out of our comfort zones, boundaries put there by our mindsets.

We may acquire a new taste for food or music by trying new ideas. We might discover a new level of attraction to those around us. Maybe a deeper attraction to our spouse.

We might develop a closer fellowship with God. At the very least by adjusting our mindsets, we would discover beauty in unexpected areas of our lives.