Is there a Happily Ever After, Daddy?

One night while putting my kids to bed I opted to tell them a story, rather than read them a story. The difference is subtle. When I read them a story, I read the words on the page and show them the pictures illustrating the narration.

When I tell them a story, I put into my own words a given story, usually a fairy tale or bible story, from my own memory. No pictures illustrate the narration, but for some reason they love it. Maybe it is the sound effects I add or the fact that every time I tell a given story it is a little different from the last.

Whatever the case, they now prefer stories I tell more than stories out of a book. Just between you and me, I am beginning to run out of stories.

three bears

One of our favorites is “Goldilocks and the Three Bears.”  I admit, my version probably does not remain entirely faithful to the classic tale—Goldilocks eats pancakes or oatmeal, not porridge (What is porridge anyway?).

Yet, just like the original, in the end the Bear family discovers Goldilocks asleep in their home.

I honestly don’t know what is supposed to come after that, but to contemporize the story I used to say that the Bears call the police and have her arrested for trespassing. Perhaps that is not the best ending for small children, so now I narrate that the Bears unite Goldilocks with her parents who have been desperately looking for their daughter lost in the woods.

In order to capture the meaning of a story about a lost girl who finds safety and aid under the hospitality of strangers, I end the story with something like, “And Goldilocks returned home safely to her family who had a party because she was safe and well.”

Last week after concluding the story, my daughter asks me, “Did they not live happily ever after, Daddy?”

Now, anyone who lives with small children in the 21st century understands how my five-year-old daughter has been so indoctrinated with Disney fairy tales that she just assumes that every story is supposed to end with, “And they lived happily ever after.”

But, how should I answer that question?

Not wanting to verbalize all the thoughts that went through my head without thinking about the best answer, I answered her with a quick, “That’s not how this story ends, but she and her family were happy to be together again. Good night, I love you.”

Lame, right?

Ever since she asked, I can’t get that question out of my head. I sense I may have missed one of those important moments, a moment where I have an opportunity to teach my child something about the way the world works. Or, about the true meaning of happiness. Or, about anything of value instead of just trying to get her to go to sleep as quickly as possible.

But now that I have had a few days to think about it, I have a couple of responses.

My first response to her question comes from my framework as a literature professor. I read and teach stories for a living, and anyone who has ever sat in my class knows none of the stories I teach end with “happily ever after.” In fact, most stories in any recognized academic canon of literature do not end happily at all. So, my first answer could have been, “No, a lot of stories don’t end with happily ever after. That’s just the way it goes sometimes.”

My next thought was much like my first. As a “grown-up” pushing 40 I am well aware of the way life goes. I considered answering with, “Nope. Life doesn’t work that way.”

Thankfully, I had the wherewithal not to verbalize either of those responses. I sense that a father should not pass on to his child such a cynical view of life at the ripe age of five.

The side of me that prevented me from giving my first two answers, though, is not simply ruled by common sense. It is that part of me most influenced by my faith.

While nowhere in the Bible does the phrase “happily ever after” appear, there are some important aspects of the Biblical narrative that embody the values of the fairytale ending. The fairytale ending is not merely about happiness; it reflects the simple hope that we can experience all of the best things life has to offer—love, well-being, health, personal success, and the full realization of our individual role in our community.

Therefore, what is the Garden of Eden if not the original plan for happily ever after? And what is heaven if not the ultimate realization of happily ever after? And, we can’t ignore the 28th verse of the 8th chapter of Romans, “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose” (NIV).

If we can say anything about the Biblical perspective on “happily ever after” it is this: God’s original intent and ultimate hope for mankind is to experience all of the perfection that he created for us. In understanding Romans 8:28 and knowing what our Father has in store for his followers in afterlife, we can say that God intends a “happily ever after” for all of us.

fairytale

Furthermore, if I am completely honest with myself, I still believe in fairy tales.

Certainly, I am a cynical grown-up and a critical thinking academic. But, when I think of the joy and fulfillment I find in my marriage, in raising my children, in going to work everyday, and in the pursuit of my faith, I am convinced that if there is a “happily ever after,” then I am living it.  And, I most definitely hope that what I model in my roles as father and husband demonstrates “happily ever after” to my children.

Yes, life does not work out how we plan. Yes, there is a lot of everyday-stuff-of-life that makes us unhappy. Yes, we all experience loss and regret. Yet, those things don’t prevent me from believing in God’s great plan for all of us, that he wants “happily ever after” for all of us.

So, next time my daughter asks me whether they lived “happily ever after” my answer will just be, “Yes, they did.”

DS

 

Reference on Aisle 3

I was asked an actual reference question in the frozen food aisle of Wal-Mart last Friday night. True story.

Photo Credit: spirobolos via Compfight cc

Photo Credit: spirobolos via Compfight cc

In my previous post I rambled on about our need to ask questions and how that all plays out in the world of reference librarians. One of the things I focused on was that a lot of times students find it difficult to approach the librarian at a reference desk. There are all kinds of hypotheses that have been studied as to why this happens. Summary – it happens. Library anxiety is a real thing. Asking questions about things that you don’t know about can be difficult.

Knowing all of that makes having a student ask you a question in the frozen food aisle very exciting. File this one under #smallvictories.

Working and teaching at a small, faith-based institution has been an eye-opening experience for me. The idea of faculty members interacting with students beyond disseminating information and assessing students had not really been a part of my college experience at two state universities. Honestly, it never occurred to me that my professors might actually want to talk to me or be concerned about me beyond what happened during 50 minutes of classroom lecture. If that didn’t occur to me back then, it certainly never occurred to me that there was a librarian on a college campus who would be researching ways that he or she could help me search for information. As my dad says, “Who would’ve thought it?”

All that to say – I get it.

In some ways I can double as my own research subject. It makes sense to me that students don’t realize that librarians are ready, willing, and capable of helping them with their research. After all, when I was them I didn’t know about me either.

So why in the world would a student feel like he could ask me a question about finding research on teacher turnover in the middle of the frozen food aisle on a Friday night? Simple. He had already met me in one of his classes earlier that week.

In all of our research about the information seeking behaviors of students, we have found something that seems to help – face-to-face library instruction.  A 2003 study showed that classroom library instruction increased the “demand for reference services.” The correlation seems fairly obvious to me – meeting the librarian in your classroom helps to establish a librarian/student rapport. In his research  into student perceptions of their professors caring about them, Steven A. Meyers concluded that “caring is a powerful teaching tool.” And while that’s probably not earth shattering news to you today, I must admit that making sure the students know that I care about them isn’t always the first thing on my mind when I start planning my one-shot library instruction. It’s not that I don’t ever think about it – it’s just that I usually have a limited amount of time with them and it is easy for me to get caught up in all that I want to teach them in the next 45 minutes.

Photo Credit: Austin Kleon via Compfight cc

Photo Credit: Austin Kleon via Compfight cc

So how do I work to build that rapport with students? One study found that 51% of students knew they could meet with a librarian because their professor suggested it. Thirty-seven percent knew it because a librarian had talked to them in class about it. The key to librarians establishing rapport with students seems to be partnerships with faculty and classroom library instruction. I’m so grateful for the relationships that I have with our faculty on this campus and their willingness to allow me to teach their students about the information in their disciplines (and hey, if we haven’t worked together before, let this be your gentle nudge). The spring semester is usually jam-packed with library instruction sessions and I love every minute of it.

I’ve jokingly told faculty that even if the only thing that a student gets out of my library instruction is that I have a name and I’m here to help them with their research that I consider myself successful. Of course that’s not all I hope they get – I’ll talk more later about how information literacy is crucial to educating the whole student and creating life-long learners. The truth is that I hope they get much more than just my name – but even if they don’t, it does seem to be a step in the right direction.

What about you? How do you build a rapport with students?

EDP

Asking Questions

Last week my colleague Will Walker sent me a link to a photo essay blog discussing some of the more interesting questions that were asked at the New York Public Library during pre-Google times. NYPL is posting photos on Instagram each Monday from their reference archives of questions they have received over the years. I don’t know about you, but knowing that makes my Mondays a little better.

I did enjoy looking through the questions that they have received along the way and chuckled at some of the questions that reminded me of my own experiences working public and academic reference desks. My personal favorite from the NYPL collection was the card that showed a variety of questions that were asked in a single phone call. This was not unlike my experiences with an elderly gentleman who made a habit of calling the public library reference desk asking me questions about how much I thought a painting might be worth or where he could find a manual for an antique small appliance whilst he rummaged around in his attic. Answering questions or helping others find the answers they seek is a large part of my job. Truth be told, it’s actually one of my favorite parts.

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(Image Courtesy of the New York Public Library)

All of that has me thinking about our ETBU students and how they ask questions and interact with me at the reference desk. How do students go about finding answers to the their questions? In my world, we call this “information seeking behavior” and we study how users engage in the search for information. One thing we have learned about information seeking behavior among college students is that they don’t often think to approach the reference librarian for help.

Librarian Barbara Fister discussed why students don’t ask questions at the reference desk in her appropriately titled Fear of Reference article. She found that students were embarrassed to admit that they didn’t know something that they thought that they should already know. To them, it can appear that their fellow students already have this library thing down pat and here they are just trying to figure out how to find a journal article (when truth be told, many of them couldn’t tell you the difference between a journal and an article).

The reference desk isn’t the only place that this happens. There is something vulnerable about asking a question and admitting that there is a gap in your knowledge. There is some element of trust involved with letting another person know that they know something you don’t know. After all, most of us can recall that annoying, “I know something you don’t know” sing-song taunt that our grade school peers used to tease us on the playground… or was that just me?

In life, we need to be able to ask questions. It starts with curiosity and the humility of admitting that there is something you don’t know. We see examples of people asking questions all throughout scripture. We know that the Bereans searched the scriptures each day after Paul and Silas taught to make sure that they were telling the truth – one assumes they were asking questions to guide them in their research. Proverbs 2 encourages readers to “cry out for insight and ask for understanding.” Jesus was even known for responding to a question by asking another question. Clearly, questions are part of the process of learning and seeking the truth.

We know we should be asking questions, but that still doesn’t change the fact that sometimes asking a question can be down right scary. So how do we help our students become more comfortable voicing their questions? I believe we start by making them feel safe to ask questions.

The first two weeks of the semester generally sound the same at the reference desk. Since we are still a good ways from research due dates, I can usually rely on the questions that I answer to be fairly basic – How do I login? Where’s printer 2? Do you guys have textbooks here? – you get the idea. And while some in my profession would see those types of questions misuse of their expertise – I say bring it on.

Why?

I welcome their questions because I know that if a student can feel comfortable asking me a tech support question during the first week that he or she might be a little less anxious about asking me for research help when the time comes. I hope that maybe if asking the first question isn’t too painful that we can break down that library anxiety barrier (yes, that’s a real thing we’ll talk about more later) that separates us that we can make some real progress in finding the information that they seek.

Last academic year 78% of the 733 user interactions we had in information services occurred in person at the reference desk. The experience those students had when they got up the nerve to ask a question is important to me. Whether I have a student who needs help finding an article involving a certain statistical method, or someone who just needs to know which printer to use, I’ll take that question. After all, I know what it might have taken for you to decide to ask it.

The Truth is Out There

2006-08-22 - Road Trip - Day 30 - United States - New Mexico - Roswell - Alien Xing - Sign

www.CGPGrey.com

A few days ago we had an interesting discussion in my Communication Studies Research Methods class (at least I thought it was interesting!)

We were talking about epistemology: what counts as knowledge, how do we know what we know.

Photo Credit: David T Jones via Compfight cc

Photo Credit: David T Jones via Compfight cc

Some people think that observing people counts as knowing; some think that you can’t know something that isn’t measurable; others think that unless you can prove it, it’s not true.

This is a big debate in research methods of all kinds, but especially in Communication Studies. So, naturally, we talked about it in class!

But then I started asking questions of the students.

“How do you know what you know about God?” “Can you believe things have to be proven and still be a Christian?” “If you think observation is knowledge, how can you observe God?”

They had puzzled looks on their faces and took my questions as rhetorical.

The questions continued in my head.

How can I think that each individual experiences each situation uniquely if I know there is only one true God? I think there are multiple truths out there, but I certainly don’t think there are multiple gods. Is it ok if we all read the same verse but come to different understandings? Does that make someone wrong?

I’ve thought these things many times before. Especially in grad school when we were continually pushed to find our place in the Research Methods world.

What do you think counts as knowledge? What do you think counts as truth?

pray

Photo Credit: romana klee via Compfight cc

Before ETBU, I have always been part of secular schools where we DO NOT talk about God. Especially in the classroom. So I never got to really hear anyone else’s take on the issue. And I still have questions.

Is there a Christian way to research? (Click to Tweet)

Is there a satanic way?

My Research Methods students know that I am a qualitative researcher –  I am more interested in individuals’ unique experiences and perspectives than I am in finding the mean and standard deviation of an experience.

Simply put, I’d rather know what something means to you than how you feel about it on a scale of 1-7.

It’s easy to say that I’d like to know your personal faith story – because I would! And I don’t think there’s anything wrong with different ideas about different verses. As long as they’re not too different…

The place where I get stuck is reconciling these two beliefs:

1. I believe in One. True. God. And that His son came to earth to die on the cross for our sins. No question. No perspective. Just truth.

2. I believe everyone socially creates their own reality through communication and that everyone’s experience is their own truth.

Contradictory? Maybe… I don’t think so, but I can’t explain why.

Do any of you struggle with questions like these? Have you come up with any conclusions?

I come back to James 1:5 -

“If you need wisdom, ask our generous God, and he will give it to you. He will not rebuke you for asking.”

Thoughts?
AML

More Questions Than Answers

We tend to think of leaders as people who have all the answers.  Maybe it’s because from childhood the people who “lead” us seem to have all the answers:

  • Our parents, who have already survived childhood
  • Our teachers, who have already conquered spelling, math, and reading
  • Our team coaches, who understand the fundamentals of the game

It can be a rude awakening when we find ourselves in a leadership position and realize that we don’t necessarily have all the answers.  But, do we really want our leaders to have all the answers?

This week in class, we were discussing the idea of the leader as coach.  I’m not talking about the kind of athletic or sport coaches that many of us are familiar with.  The International Coaching Federation (ICF) defines coaching as “partnering with clients in a thought-provoking and creative process that inspires them to maximize their personal and professional potential.”

Unlike a consultant or a trainer, a coach helps you to discover answers for yourself rather than delivering answers as an expert.  Our discussion in class centered around the ways that a leader can help their employees to gain competence and confidence by coaching them to find their own answers rather than always offering immediate solutions.

We talked about the reasons that coaching an employee to come to their own solution might be helpful.  My students identified some good reasons:

  • The employee might have more buy-in
  • The employee gains confidence and expertise to work independently

Apparently, though this might sound good in theory, this was a tricky concept for my students to apply.  After some very rudimentary training, I asked them to use a basic process to coach another student in class (on any subject of their choosing).  And off they went!

Initially, I was really getting a kick out of some of the “challenges” they chose to be coached on, but somewhere along the way, I heard a lot of the coaches telling their fellow student what they should do.

“You should open the door if you really want to be a gentleman.”
“You would plant that particular item during late spring.”
“Well, when I study for Dr. Prevost’s tests, I usually…”

You get the idea.

When we debriefed, they confessed how difficult it is to ask questions rather than providing solutions to people’s questions, problems, and dilemmas.  Almost immediately, we default to offering solutions.  Especially as leaders, we are used to be asked to “fix” the problem.

But, is delivery as powerful a method of learning as discovery?

Val Hastings from Coaching for Clergy actually points out in his trainings how often people in scripture came to deep insights from being asked questions. Consider these questions asked by Jesus:

“Peter, do you love me?”

“Which one of these three was the neighbor?”

“Who do you say that I am?”

Perhaps we should learn from this great teacher who has more followers than any of us will ever hope to have.  If you want people to follow, then ask powerful questions.  As leaders, we don’t always have to have an answer.  And even when we have an answer, perhaps we lead people to deeper, more meaningful insights and opportunities when we ask the right questions rather than always giving them answers.

When has someone led you with a powerful question?

-EP