Choices

Well, I didn’t plan my Monday very well and had too much on my plate thus my blog is a day late.  I found out last week that this growth on my arm is a malignant melanoma and Monday I met with the surgeon to set a date for the removal of the rest of the melanoma and perhaps a lymph node.  This Thursday I will have surgery.  I pray that the lymph node is clear and no further metastasis has taken place.  Sheesh, what a way to spend Fall Break!  I had some great plans to get fall flowers planted and prune some trees…nope.  I’ve hit some potholes on life’s road the last couple of months.  Every time I wonder “What next Lord?”  My father has almost been swallowed by some potholes.  Parkinson’s disease killed my mother.  That was a really long deep hole.  Yet Mom kept smiling because she gave everything into God’s hands for Him to control.  Easier said than done, don’t you know?  Mom trusted me enough to share her deepest emotions, regrets, loves, losses and questions.  I was looking forward to a time with Mom where we could travel the world together.  Instead we shopped Albuquerque together on Mom and Cat day.  Sometimes we just drove around the neighborhood so she could get out of the house.  We talked about everything and nothing.  Mom and I could sit in the same room, reading different books, never saying a word to each other and be perfectly content in each other’s presence.  I used to watch Mom cook and be her helper as a child.  Years later she watched while I cooked.  She couldn’t help.  Several times Mom would break into tears out of frustration and depression saying “I’m just so useless!”  Most of the time, I simply held her and let her cry.  Being helpless/useless is the most horrid place to be.  It is one of my fears of the future, being useless and/or helpless.

                Can I be like Jesus?  Will I be able to give everything into God’s control and keep smiling?  What will I do if I become useless and helpless by human definition?  Dad and I would tell Mom to pray.  Keep praying.  There is great power in prayer.  Will I have the faith that if the only thing I can do is pray then will I pray?  That is a sad sentence isn’t it…to say if the only thing I can do is pray?  Prayer is talking to God, the most powerful Being.  We should be visiting with God more but we are a people of action, movement always going.  We are the ones who judge usefulness by what we do, not the way we live.  We need to change our perspective to how well we live rather than what we do.  Our standard for living well should be Jesus. 

Today I choose to be like Jesus and I will talk to God, no, I will visit with God about everything.  I will be in His presence and be content.  I choose.  I choose Yahweh.

Who do you choose?

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Catherine Cone

Professor of Biology at East Texas Baptist University

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